We’ve probably all been there. The hard seasons of life.
Recently we went through a difficult time of loss and saying goodbye to our daughter Izabella. On top of that, I’ve been dealing with chronic headaches related to her delivery. The laundry, the dishes, cooking, cleaning… those are the last things I really want to do.
The hard moments of life, unfortunately, come. And, what we really want during those moments, what we sometimes beg for, is the world to just stop moving for a while. We just want time. Time to breathe, to cry, to heal. But the reality is… it doesn’t stop. Our homes continue to breathe life.
What do you do? How do you find the joy, the gratitude, in homemaking when you are going through a tough season… when all you really want to do is just go back to bed and throw the covers over your head?
First…. find the thanksgiving. I know how unbelievably hard it can be to find the gift in the chaotic, or the gratitude in the unbalanced. However, I would challenge you to see all the good things that HE is giving you, gracing you with, brushing your life with, and purpose to seek the gifts even in the hard season.
For me it was…
Being thankful for the laundry… because it meant we had clothes to wear.
Finding gratitude in the dishes… because we had food on our table.
Seeing the graces in the messy house… because it meant there was living going on here.
It’s when we don’t feel like finding the thanksgiving that we must, because that is where we find our sanity. It is where we find HIM and where we eventually will find our way back to our homes.
So, when we do find our way back, what’s next? In the words of Elisabeth Elliot… we do the next thing. But what is the next thing? Well, it is different for everyone, but I can share with you where I started.
• First, look around your home. What is the one thing that is piling up the most? The laundry? Dishes? The mail thrown in the corner? Pick one. Just one. And might I suggest, too… start with something small and simple. Maybe even set a timer for 15 minutes and just work for that allotted time. Then the next hour…. try it again.
• Second, if you have children, get them involved. If they are older they can do more and if they are younger they can work alongside you. Sometimes having those little hands in the dish water with yours is just what you need in the difficult moments.
• Third, make a small decor change. I know this might sound frivolous or silly… but it does help. We are in the fall season right now, so consider putting out a fall decoration or two. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or expensive. It could just be a candle, or a wreath. A little beauty can breathe life into the soul.
• Fourth, and I truly believe MOST importantly, ask for help. This is a tough one, because often times as women, we either are too ashamed, embarrassed, or to proud to ask for help. Can I quietly challenge you to set aside “self” for a moment and just ask; your husband, your friend, a neighbor, a church member, family. It will be OK. And one day, when you are in a better place, you can return the blessing.
And after you’ve “done the next thing” and you are still struggling to find the joy in your homemaking… you give yourself a break. You breathe. You speak the truth that “this too shall pass.” One day you’ll look around and those piles will be a little smaller, the sink will actually shine, and the mail will all be filed away. You’ll look up and smile and realize that buried in all the difficult, waiting, giving you time to wade through the hard moments…the joy was there all along.
What are some things you do to get through the “hard moments” of homemaking?
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So true! I recently had a miscarriage at 16 weeks and for awhile there I didn’t know how I would ever be able to be joyful again. But the Lord is faithful!
One of the decor changes I did though was to paint our guest bathroom. 🙂 It had been on my want to do list for awhile and my husband lovingly did it for me after the miscarriage. 🙂
I am SO sorry for your loss. I hurt along with you. And yes, SO true. The Lord is faithful.
Great idea to repaint the guest bathroom! It is amazing sometimes how a little change – or fresh paint – goes a long way in helping give us a little joy and lift the spirits!!
Thank you so very much for your words of love and encouragement. I too experienced a loss, at 12 weeks gestation. For me, it was building a website that offered the support to other mothers that I myself did not receive. For my husband, it has definately been doing reconstruction around the house: painting, redoing the roof, switching bedrooms around. Your article is so very valuable, not just for us mamas who have to keep on going, but perhaps also for us wives to look at our husbands and see that their “busyness” is actually part of their own grief to healing process. Thank you so much for sharing this. In fact, I would like to add this to the emotional/spiritual section of the website, so that other grieving couples can have a chance to learn from each other, and benefit from your lovely perspective. If you object, just tell me immediately so I can remove it. This article will be directly linked from the site: http://www.stillbirthday.com. May you find continued healing….Heidi Faith
Heidi, I would be honored to have the article on the site. Thank you. I’ll have to hop over there and take a longer look. I shared my personal story of losing our daughter on my blog: http://chelseysjourney.com/and-then-it-happens-to-you . Thank you so much for your sweet words!
Amen! Such encouragement! I wrote a post similar to this and got such negative feedback from mothers who felt I was being ridiculous or judgemental to even suggest that we find joy in the hard moments of motherhood. I’m so glad I’m not the only one to realize we don’t have to just “survive” but we can actually enjoy!
Thank you Krista! Wow, so sad about the negative feedback. I guess, though, we’ve really come to this place where we just except the easy and that is the only place we can find out “joy”. Sometimes we can get more joy out of the hard moments than we ever could the easy ones! 🙂
It’s so true! In fact that was the exact point of my post today (God-Colored Glasses at themommycalling.blogspot.com). I look forward to following your blog! I’m glad I found you on the NOBH!
Sorry to hear of your loss and I am praying for you. Thanks for the link up to the NOBH. Your advice is so good and I try to do some of the things you mention.
Hi. I’m visiting from No Ordinary Blog Hop. First, I am so sorry for your loss. I also admire your courage to find ways to get through the day and share them with others. You are so right. If we have dishes it means we had food. Food scarcity is a problem for most of the word. If we have laundry we have clothes. So simply. So true. Yet so easily missed in every day life. I try to remember a quote by Gandhi. He said when his life got hectic or trying he made sure to pray and meditate more, not less, because that’s when we need it most. Brightest Blessings, M & E
Eco Dreamer, thank you SO much for your kind comments and encouragement! You are so right in that it is so simple. Makes me wonder why we make it so hard? And yes, missed in every day life. I am SO guilty of this! I really have to make a consorted effort to NOT miss it – ya know? Yes.. great quote and so true.. pray and meditate more not less; even though that is the harder thing to do! So glad you came over! 🙂