8 Ways to encourage {and not discourage} military families

 

With the increased news coverage of all that is going on in the middle east and the countries in that area [please note this will not be a political post], I thought I would take sometime and write how you can encourage and build up military families in your community.   I have also included a few things not to say and trust me we have heard some good ones over the years!

 

1. Offer help but know that they may not accept it. Military families are strong and have a mind set of being independent. As a spouse you are used to playing the roles of mom and dad for many months at a time, and it may also include taxi driver, cook, house cleaner, nurse, friend and the list continues on. If you off to help be specific as in ‘”Could I bring you all dinner sometime this week” or “How about I watch the kids so you can grocery shop alone” . If they do not accept do not be offended . Most Military do not have family around and may especially if they are new to the military may not be so open to people helping them. Just let them know that the offer is always there and to have them call you if they need anything.

 

2. Do not, I repeat, do not compare a deployment to your spouse’s business trip last week. Dad being gone a week to California is in no way the same as Dad being halfway across the world in a foreign country for 6-9 months or sometimes longer. I once had a woman say to me “Oh, I know what your going through, my husband travels twice a month for work.” Um yeah, my husband leaves for months at a time, and I pretty sure your husband is not in a war zone. Seriously there is no comparison.

 

3. Care packages are a great thing to send to soldiers overseas. Adopt a family and off to send some of there soldiers favorite items. Care packages along with shipping can get costly for families  so even an offer to send one package is greatly appreciated.

 

4. Do not ask the following especially if children are present . . . 

Aren’t you worried something could happen?

Could your soldier die?

Do you miss him/her?

Doesn’t your soldier want to be here to see { game, graduation, etc }

 

The reality is yes we worry every day are soldiers are gone, we worry they may not come back. But our faith is strong and that is what keeps us going on the hard days. Of course we miss him/her wouldn’t you? Lastly of course they want to be hear to see all the childhood accomplishments and important moments, but they cant. It makes the time they are home so much more precious.

 

5. If you know a family that can’t go home for the holidays and you are able to do so, invite them for dinner. If they offer to bring something allow them. They will appreciate the invite more then you realize. One year my husband was deployed over Christmas and I was dreading Christmas morning. Friends of ours invited us over for brunch and it made the day so much easier.

 

6. We really don’t care about your thoughts on the war/politics or how the military and Washington spend money. It’s really out of our hands. Trust me, if it was, there would be a huge pay increase! While we appreciate freedom of speech [that same freedom our soldiers fight for], we really have no control of it. On that note, the benefits we receive are not a privilege, trust me. We sacrifice a lot for what we do have. Yes, it is a choice our family made but still it is not a privilege.

 

7. Just because your brother’s best friend’s uncle’s son joined the Army {or any branch} it does not mean we know them. Its a big Military and a lot of people are in it.

 

8. Pray for our military, the families left behind, and the ones who never come home. We need your prayers for strength on the hardest of days.