Five years ago today, I took a simple test.
It’s a test that many women have taken, some many times.
The test revealed 2 lines.
That meant I was blessed with another baby.
I was ELATED with the result of this particular test!
I carefully plotted my announcement of the results of this test to my Honey and children.
What joy I took in making t-shirts with labels of big, big, big, big sister for Rebecca, big, big, big brother for Thomas, big, big sister for Natalie, and big sister for Mary.
Since our wedding anniversary was quickly approaching, I decided to keep it a secret until that day.
How hard it was to hold that very special surprise all to myself!
I was successful and told Honey that night after our supper prepared by our wonderful children. We then told our babes that new baby was on his way to our arms.
For 49 magical days, I rubbed my tummy and talked to new baby, telling him of our love for him and our excitement at his joining our family.
The next test that came was an incredibly difficult one. I’m not sure I passed it, though I sure took that one.
On February 13th, 2007, our new baby left our world and went to be with Jesus. As excited as we were to welcome him to our arms, I can’t say that we were that thrilled with sending him to Jesus so suddenly.
My heart was broken. I had no idea how I’d go on.
Through MUCH prayer, time, and love, I did go on. I did make it through. There were days I wasn’t sure I would. There were days that only the love of my family and their needs pulled me through. There were days that I just wanted to stay in bed and sob. There are still days that are really hard to get through. I do believe this test made me stronger.
I won’t say it was easy. I won’t say I didn’t ask “WHY?!” more times than I can count. And I won’t say that I don’t still ask that question.
But, I will say that the loss of our babe did bring us all closer…both to each other and to Christ. It deepened our relationships. It caused us all to stop and bear each others’ burdens.
Here it is 5 years later, and the question is still one I am looking forward to being answered. I can say that I am honored to have been able to provide a warm home for our fifth new baby for 11 weeks. And I am SOOOO looking forward to seeing that face, to getting to hold him, to kiss him, and to shower the love on him that I have been holding onto myself for 5 years now.
One day, sweet new baby…one day….
This is the song that helped me so…and I still go back to that time whenever I hear it…
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