Guest post from Leigh Ann Dutton
Stuff was taking over her house, and tired of digging through the mess looking for useful items, she called me. She asked if I would come stay a week with her and help her sort through the mess. Her cabinets stored decades of forgotten bowls, pitchers, and cozies. Wedding presents from more than thirty years ago occupied prime real estate in her cabinets – presents that reminded her of great Aunt Tessa. My mother-in-love needed help, and since I am a bit obsessive with de-cluttering, I was the woman to the rescue.
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As we worked through her cabinets, drawers, and closets, there were three lies that emerged most often. Maybe you struggle with them, as well.
3 Lies We Believe About Our Stuff
1. It could be useful … later.
When you hang on to an item, because it might be useful later, you are ceasing to live in the present and placing unnecessary guilt on yourself.
Let me explain. Let’s say you have a pair of basketball shoes. You had a stellar jump shot in college, but you haven’t dribbled a ball in more than five years. Yet, you hang on to your basketball shoes because you might play again someday with your kids.
First of all, styles change. If you want to ball with your kids later, don’t embarrass them with your 1990’s style shoes. Get a new pair.
Second, the chances of you playing such a high intensity game that you need the ankle support of a basketball shoe is slim to none. Let’s be honest, we aren’t getting younger. We’re getting older. We’ll be doing good to jump half an inch off the ground when it comes time to play a little one-on-one with our boys. Let’s not make ourselves feel bad because we’ve hung on to these shoes for so long.
Maybe sports aren’t your style. Yet, I’m sure you can think of your own example. Maybe it’s jewelry you inherited from your grandmother, yoga mat, roller blades from high school, or hand crank ice cream maker. Don’t let the clutter of these items breed stress any longer. “It could be useful later” is a lie.
2. I keep that for the memory.
Let’s be honest. Will you really forget that memorable walk on the beach with your hubby two days after you said, “I do”, if you get rid of the matching t-shirts you had made? Probably not. That memory is etched forever in your mind. What about those really ugly tea cups your aunt gave you for your wedding thirty years ago? Will you forget your aunt, or the fact that she came to your wedding? Probably not.
You won’t lose the memory if you get rid of the clutter filling your home. If it’s particularly special to you, take a picture. Seriously. A picture in an album takes up far less space than the over-sized teddy bears, cozies from every wedding you ever attended, or the broken bread machine that your grandmother gave you. To keep something so you don’t lose the memory is a lie.
3. It would offend someone if I get rid of this.
I have a set of decorative canisters that were given to me as a wedding gift. They’ve been floating around my house finding their home in various places, but never really fitting in with my style of decorating. I’ve kept them because I thought maybe I could make them work, and the person who gave them to me was so excited about them. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings by getting rid of them.
Recently, we had company stay with us for a weekend. While lounging on the couch, my friend looked up at my canisters and asked, “So, who’s in there?” It took me about thirty seconds to figure out what she meant. Then, it dawned on me. She thought they were urns. Oh dear. That’s not exactly the idea I had when I placed them on top of the entertainment center. There is nothing wrong with urns and putting them on your mantle. However, if something is mistaken for an urn, something isn’t right.
These canisters did not work with my overall decorative style. It confused my friend, and who knows how many other people thought the same thing before a true friend stepped up and gently wounded me. 😉
My friends, it is your home. If someone gives you something you don’t particularly care for, you are not obligated to put it on display in your home. Donate it, or sell it, and let someone else love the item in their home. If I get rid of this, then great-aunt Tessa will be offended is a lie.
In her book, Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach to Intentional Living, Tsh Oxenreider describes what clutter does to our homes beautifully:
“Clutter breeds stress, and if you let stuff take over this space, it’ll ward off people. People are what make a home what it is – a haven for your family.”
Maybe all you needed was for someone to say it’s okay to get rid of the items that don’t fit your family. That’s what my mother-in-love needed – someone to say, “It is your home. Get rid of it. Everything will be okay. I promise.” 🙂
What about you? Have you been believing some of these lies about your stuff?
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sherrie says
SOOO true!! i really need to de clutter my kitchen. my dad buys me all the inofmercial gadgets. i have a snowcone maker, an icee maker, a pineapple slicer, a rice cooker, every knife known to man, a pancake popper, a mini grill set… you get the point. will you come help me too? 🙂
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace says
Oh, the infomercial gadgets. They are so cool, aren’t they? I always want them when I see them. ha! But they do add to the clutter. If you use any of them, keep them. If you don’t, toss them. I have a snow cone maker. We love doing hospitality, and it’s such a FUN treat to make the kids on a hot summer day. So I kept it, but I never used my tomato slicer guider thingamajig or the old fashioned ice cream maker (that had no worth or antique value)…so I tossed it. Just shut your eyes and do it. 🙂 You’ll feel better!
Sarah says
In my family, if I get rid of this, someone will be offended is not a lie.
What happens when people keep asking if you’ve used the casserole dish they got you for Christmas, or the chafing set, or the rocking horse that your 2 year old daughter hates because she loves her old one so much, then they get that slightly offended “hmmpph” and don’t talk to you for the rest of the event, when you say you haven’t used something yet?
If you knew someone would be asking about a Christmas or a birthday present, would you still get rid of it it, if it didn’t fit your style?
Also, is there a time limit on getting rid of stuff? If someone who I know won’t be offended gives me something I know I’ll never use, I feel bad donating it the next day, even if I want it out of my house so it isn’t taking up space.
Lozzz123 says
I had an ugly clock given to me by an aunt on my 21st birthday and I only threw it out last year (I was 26) when I realised she’s never been to my house once and probably wouldn’t remember the clock anyway.
I agree with Sarah though – some little items people might forget they ever got you and therefore may not be offended. However big items could quite easily be noticed to be missing, and then be asked about.
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace says
Lozzz123, so true about people forgetting about what they gave you. Relationships are far more important than stuff, even when it comes to getting rid of or not getting rid of. You know your family and friends. Some things may truly not be worth the hassle of getting rid of. But it’s your choice in the end. One way or the other. 🙂
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace says
Sarah, I agree that someone will be offended on occasion. The lie is that you actually have to keep it because someone will be offended. It’s your house, and your family. If you don’t mind having those things around, then by all means, keep it. 🙂 If you want to know what I do, honestly? I use the casserole dish once, then give it away. Then, when they ask, I can honestly say I used it to make an amazing broccoli casserole fit for a King! Then, go on about my way! You choose what works for your family though. 🙂
Jackie Leyba says
UGH!!! This is SO me!!!! I really need to go through my house & just get rid of “stuff” that I don’t need or am hanging on to just because. Those 3 lies are me to a tee!!! Thanks for posting this!!!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace says
Get to tossing, girlfriend! You’ll be so glad you did!
Janice C. Johnson says
I am totally printing this out and posting it in my house! Seriously, I wonder whether my parents threw anything away in 57 years of marriage. When we had to clear out their house to sell, we found sooooo much stuff in all three categories. And some of the people who “might be offended” have been gone for decades.
Of course, now I’M in charge of great-great-grandmother’s cream pitcher, and the hideous little souvenir vase from Joliet, Illinois, and the news clippings about people my mom worked with in 1946…… sheesh…… Some stuff, of course, has historic significance but much of it can just go away. I’m working on it, really!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace says
Oh, Janice! That’s so hard….I’ve been there. 🙂
karen says
And dear friend, will you be my friend in love and come over to my house and declutter!!!! Awesome post for all of us clutterers today!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace says
I will be happy to! 🙂 Just tell me when to be there!
Anne @ Quick and Easy Cheap and Healthy says
Unfortunately, I do have people in my life who give gifts with strings attached and would indeed be offended if the gifts aren’t used and appreciated. *sigh* What I do with it depends on what the gift is. Sometimes I just suck it up and use it even if it’s not my favorite thing. Other times, I just keep it in an out-of-the-way place until a significant amount of time has passed and I can discreetly discard it. And other times, I use it a few times in front of them, and then later get rid of it. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but neither do I want clutter junking up my apartment!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace says
Anne, I think this is a great way of “managing the clutter.” I do very similar on some things. Just a reminder that I wasn’t indicating that people won’t be offended. It’s a lie that we have to keep it because people will be offended. However, we have to choose what works for our family. I absolutely love your method. Sounds very much like me. But you probably knew that already! 🙂